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why the fuck do people give so much shit about me shaving
my eyebrows or getting tattoos and shit but no one fucking
care about what i feel lmfao and these are the same people
who would be quote on quote sad when i leave hhhhhhhhh
don't you ever think it's weird how no one care about you
when you are alive but suddenly you're everyone's best
friend when you die. i don't want anyone to be sad but why do
i have to be the one who give a shit about them? i don't know.
maybe i should just fucking do it already :/
i have no one to talk to and honestly it's so fucking frustrating
FUCK my friends and i dont ever talk to each other anymore and i
have been wondering if we are really friends when our fucking
connections is so loose. i get that i'm just probably acting
like an entitled piece of shit because everyone's got so much
on their plates but i seriously don't know. i feel as if there
is this force from others that's pushing me away from them. it's
weird that the people i felt so comfortable with ended up being the
one i face with insecurities. i don't like being all alone in this world.
if this shit doesn't get better by 05/08/22 i will kill my
fucking self probablywith CO poisoning. i'm going to just hope
if i fail i won't have permanent brain damage lmfao bye
I haven't been able to finish this website as I planned
(I'm going to change the font soon because this seems to
be to hard to read.) But yeah, I guess this is a little
update. Backstory: I've always acted nonchalantly towards
the idea of being surrounded with people whilst all I really
wanted was someone, anyone, to connect with. However, I've
recently come to terms with finding myself in isolation and
not in others, I don't know if I'm making sense right now.
Just, I think I will be able to move on, by myself and everything
I love rather than having someone 'rescue' me. I don't know. Even
though I relapsed a day ago, I'm kind of excited for what's to
come in the future. I'm going to experiment lots and I surprisingly
am looking forward to where life takes me. It is a bit scary I have
to admit. I also wish to have this same attitude towards my
present and live rather than just simply existing but it's hard.
I don't know, I guess you can't have everything in life and I guess
I'm also a walking paradox.
I'm empty. I've always felt as such and I don't
know why I am this way. I can't remember ever being
happy but I'm sure I've been before. Fuck! I
seriously don't know what to say. I don't want to ***
again and fall into the rabbit hole once more but I'm
scared I would. I'm numb all over. I might end this
entry here, I'm so awkward but I will try to be more
comfortable posting these. Sorry my first entry had to
be this, I needed to vent. Goodnight, if you are reading this.